i know that you’re scared but you cannot run from me. i am everywhere. i live in the soles of your feet and the pads of your fingers. the beating of your footsteps on solid ground is in time with my breath and i know that you hear the screaming child who lives in my veins and feeds on our darkest days. i know when you take a breath, it’s fast and then slow. your lungs deflate with such attitude that it stings on my tongue and nips on my skin. let it go. understand that the trees outlive our heart beats and our bodies decompose but that this feeling will never rot even when you get old.
hi, i'm sarah. i write because otherwise my head becomes too crowded. all of these words amount to moments i've lived or people i've loved.
“with time, i will fade from this universe, but i hope that when you look to the night sky, you see my crooked smile in the crescent moon. hear my laugh as the fireflies dance and glow in the summer heat. feel my embrace in your darkest of hours and know that when i whispered “forever,” i meant i’d never leave. i’ll live on in your heart, as infinite as the stars.” - gabrielle green.
p.s all of my writing is tagged under "original work".
• say hello.• give me something to write about. beamie
you are a drop of food colouring. you seep into everything, changing it’s colour from grey to a bright purple, ripe on my tongue and soft on my skin. as i swim in your tones of plum and violet, nothing else has ever felt so close to ecstasy. nothing before has ever brought me over and up to fly upon oxygen and emotion alone. you detract the need for more and heighten my senses with 3 syllables, a breathy ‘i love you’ which leaves me coming down with my head full of birds and my eyes full of lilac.
“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
— E.E. Cummings
(Source: kari-shma, via takingpicturesinmymind)
“that feeling you get when the person you care for more than anything in the world tells you that you make them happy, and that itself, is enough to make you happy.”
i like sitting at the back of buses and staring into skulls, watching people as they shift and change with the groans and turns of the road. this bus is much like my love for you. as you crumple beneath the harshest of sheets and bloom under the warm haze of a dirty room, i am there watching. your beautiful eyes gaze through my paper skin and into my chipped heart and longingly i wish for three words to escape from your mouth. the flutter of hope is quickly extinguished by a flurry of doubt drifting onto my brain, but there you are. stood in front of my awkward frame and muttering words, quite amusingly, that i grasp between my fingers, thin air living in my cells, full of those three syllables which made me the happiest girl alive.
“a girl who knows how to make everybody happy except herself. everybody seems to think she has it so together but no one notices that it’s only because she doesn’t know how to fall apart.”
sometimes i am not all brash but instead i creep into the corners of my mind where my heart keeps my what ifs and buts. i can coax a smile from you during the harshest of times, when winter seems too bitter and summer seems too far, but with me, darling, i find myself searching. sometimes i am not all trumpets and fanfares but instead a quiet little girl, still scared of losing grip of her rosy cheeked friends who cover themselves with the prettiest of bruises. you do not care to peel back my metal smile nor do you realise that the plum coloured hearts littered across my back are the effects of loving people so obsessively. sometimes i am not at all me but instead i creep under the creases of my skin and try to pull myself apart.
climb into my head, please darling, take that step.
i know you’ve forgotten the curves of my spine
and the shortness of my breath.
scatter your thoughts, please love, just let go.
i know you’ve forgotten the way i speak
and all of the words i know.
broken promises, i hear you, lies will always come.
i know the way you tell them
and how my heart sounds when you’re done.
climb into my head, please darling, take that step.
i know you’ve forgotten the dip of my heart
and how to steal my breath.
“As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed as ignorant as you were at twenty-two, you’d always be twenty-two. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s the positive that you understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.”
— Mitch Albom (via kari-shma)
(Source: kari-shma)
gabby,
i wrote this for you because i know you will always attempt to understand no matter what. i also know that can hurt you and so, this is me attempting to understand.
i hope i did you proud.
love, sarah.
“the feeling of helplessness when having to watch someone you love self destruct and having exhausted all means of helping or getting through to them.”
i am knocking gently on the door of an empty house and i know you will never answer. you tick away silently in corners of rooms and corridors full of dust. slowly becoming a minute too late and an hour too soon. moving with the harshness of an axe, you chop chop chop into me. the chunks torn from my being with no thought and vile from your touch. your brain is full of bile, the drip drip dripping short circuiting and drowning your body in it’s own filth. the wires put back half-heartedly, convincing me for a breath or so of your façade. the trickling of your heart down your spine and into the pit of your stomach makes you silent. leaving a blank solid box to rule your mind like a dictator, executing what i have loved from the start.
the dirt beneath our fingernails tells the truth more honestly than our lips or brains will ever manage. it is a collection of our hard work and late nights. the places we have been and the people we have been hiding from. although we may try our hardest to scrape these snippets of memory from underneath our tiny collections of DNA. we will never escape the fact that there will always be a small fragment of truth, hiding in the nook beneath the nail we couldn’t quite get to.
you are neither feasible nor removable. as my veins sigh under your presence, my brain gives into another lust induced head rush and i am losing myself piece by piece. this could be a sure sign of deterioration or a sure sign of insanity. the cure is unknown and my heart is too weak to wait. i am heavy under your breath and tired from the salty tears.
